Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
