I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
