The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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