I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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