I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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