you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
