You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I want a musical about memes.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
