I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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