YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
