I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
