if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
