moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
