The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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