I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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