she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
