fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
