IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
