I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
