New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
