Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
