you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize
