i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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