I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
