whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
