Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
