i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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