i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
