i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
