I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
