I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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