So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
