Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
