The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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