Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
