Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have already put on my inside pants.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
