I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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