The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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