once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
its liver damage thursday
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
