Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
