why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
