"it" just moved
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
