i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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