I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
