he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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