i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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