He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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