I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
