There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
