ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
