please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
