Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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