Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
