Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He? As in you personified your dick?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
