Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
