I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He kissed a someone with a penis
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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