So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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