we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
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