Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
