sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
