I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
