There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Randomize
