What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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