just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
