There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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