i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
