Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
