Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We have started to decorate penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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