I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She bit a glass in half.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
