I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
