did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
