His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
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I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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