Please, let me fuck your mom
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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