I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
