So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
