On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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