Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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