i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Nicole vs. Life
Your dad touched me again.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
