I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
