And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
