why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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