Can i not drive my cunt home
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
