with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
