he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
