I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
