I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
