I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
