i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
