I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
