I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
