Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You need Xanax blowdarts
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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