you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
