His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
